a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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