If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
