I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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