Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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