I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
