can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
