so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize