I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
