so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
