There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
