oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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