Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
