It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
