Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
