it wasn't lemon gatorade
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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