I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
