no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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