Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
