It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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