Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
