are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
