She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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