She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want nice things and good sex
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
