She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
