The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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