is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
