TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
