I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize