I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
