Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
