once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
