what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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