just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
