shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
