Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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