I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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