Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
