So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
