The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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