He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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