So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
