tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
