I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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