Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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