You can't motorboat a personality
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
