wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
