Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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