and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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