She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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