we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i am craving dick and cupcakes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
