I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
