So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
