Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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