totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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