I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
