I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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