The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
