whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
