I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
