After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
