It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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