On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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