How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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