I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
