i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
