I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
