Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize