I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
