Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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