So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
