his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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