I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
