You can't motorboat a personality
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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