new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
