I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
