Pappa wants mamma naked
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
