1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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