just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
